(That means Shh…No Talking)
Our lives are filled with constant noise – chatter, background music, television, radio, pets angling for attention, phones ringing, and so on. In addition, we live in a world with instant feedback. If we don’t know an answer to a question, we look it up online. If we want to know how someone is doing, we send them a text or email. If we want to listen to music, we ask Alexa or Google Home.
Between the noise and instant feedback, as parents and educators, we begin to set expectations that our children need to respond to us right away. If we ask them a question and they don’t respond, we ask it again with more urgency or impatience in our voice. If we ask our child to follow a direction and they don’t leap to their feet, then we give the direction again quickly.
Don’t be afraid to stop and wait.
Slow.
Everything.
Down.
I remember when my oldest child was learning how to wave “hello” and “goodbye.” He got a kick out of being social and showing off his new skill to strangers everywhere we went! He waved to other children, strangers in the grocery store, family members. I recall that there were instances where he would wave a stranger, we would stop and chat for a minute, then the person would move on and wave “bye” to my son. He just stared back and then after the person left, it clicked that it was his cue to wave “goodbye.” It just took a couple of extra seconds for him to make that connection.
As he continued to practice his newfound skill of waving, he became better and better at it. Now at two-and-a-half, he waves to people instantly when it is his turn to do so. What I am trying to say is that it is the same with answering questions and following directions. These skills take repetition to build and it is important to allow your child some extra time while you are laying the foundation.
Simply put: your child’s brain is still developing. It takes time for your little one to process what you are saying. Take a minute and think about all of the steps involved in answering a question. First, your child needs to hear you correctly. Then, that information is carried from your child’s ear (which is a whole process in and of itself!) to their 8th cranial nerve (the auditory nerve, a.k.a. the vestibulocochlear nerve) which then transmits the information to the brain. Once there, your little one’s mind has to break down what you said in a digestible manner. She has to know exactly what you are referring to. Only then, can she respond with words, which requires her to use the correct words in the correct order as well as motor plan how to form those sounds to say those words. Phew!
Okay, you get it. Wow, that is a LOT of work for a toddler! It makes sense that your little one might not be ignoring you on purpose; rather, he is taking some extra time to think about what you just said and act on it accordingly.
Let’s Water the Sponge!
What can we do as parents and educators to aid in the process? Here are some ideas of ways that you can help out your child:
1.) Continue to speak at your normal rate of speech at first but try cutting out unneccessary words. Get straight to the point and be direct. Saying something such as, “Grab your shoes, please,” will suffice.
2.) Wait 5-10 seconds before repeating the direction or question at a slower pace with increased enunciation. Say what you said the first time verbatim the second time. If there is still no response after some lag time, then try to rephrase your questions/direction.
3.) Demonstrate ways what kind of response you are looking for from your child. If you are asking your child to clean up some toys, then help out and show him where you expect the toys to go. If you are asking your child to get his shoes, then guide him towards his shoes and point to them.
4.) Use visual cues to help break the direction down. There are many different learning styles, and not all kiddos learn the best through auditory means. As such, using pictures or pointing to what you mean will help your child have a concrete idea of what you’re talking about. This will take the pressure off of your child of having to try to visualize what you mean when you say it.
5.) If you are asking an open-ended question, such as, “What do you want for lunch?”, try providing your child with options to make it easier on her. You could say, “Would you like turkey or ham for lunch?” This alleviates some of the pressure your child might feel when answering open-ended questions.
6.) Remember that your child can be experiencing big emotions during toddlerhood and to be patient! He or she could be flat-out ignoring you and trying to find boundaries. If that’s the case then managing emotions and behaviors would be the way to go.
Have a story to share? Something funny or downright frustrating? Comment below!
